Warmth
by Feral Phoenix
Summary: A love at the very end of life, in five parts. The line between hatred and love is thin indeed, and blurs easily. Shonenai Skyshipping.
1. Kumo: Downward Spiral

Warmth

DISCLAIMER: Don't own FF:U, nope. Wish I did. Then I could bring all the people I liked back and make sure "After" got out to the U.S. But I don't. So don't get mad at me.

Part I

Downward Spiral

In a way, I had been dying ever since I had been brought back to life.

Never, not once, did I care about my own life during this short-lived incarnation. I could die and I would have no problem with it. Just toss another carcass on the pile that Chaos has been building up, sure, who cares if it's mine or not? Only thing was, if I was dead, I wouldn't be able to protect you.

You were the only connection I had with life, except for that brief time when Kiri was brought back by Chaos' necromancer. And you hated me. Because you were the only thing important to me, that diminished my own worth quite a bit. Your Magun was the only article of hope I had left, and when I learned that it was broken... the thin thread was cut. I gave myself up to despair. There was not even a slim chance of victory. I only continued to fight because there was nothing else for me to do. I could not give myself up to evil, or even surrender. It would mean betrayal, and that was something I could never do.

Emotions began to dull swiftly after that. I was safe with Chaos because I couldn't feel as well as many others. The protective urge, the occasional flare of anger, the low deep hatred, the sorrow for my dear brother's life... that was it.

All that time, I thought that it was just normal for someone who's lost everything they love.

And then.

One day, running my hand along the smooth walls of the Chaos castle, I realized that I could not feel its smooth surface, nor its coldness. I could not feel my own clothing against my skin. Rubbing the tip of my finger against the thin ribbed surface of one of my Mist bottles' caps, I realized I could not feel that either. To my numb hands, my swordsman's calluses and the soft skin at the base of my throat produced the same sensation. No sensation. Gripping the blade of the Maken and squeezing only brought a tiny stab of pain, not the agony I should have felt, had felt before.

My sense of touch, all that time, had been slowly failing me.

Not until that fatal blow did my eyes start to betray me.

It's gotten harder and harder and harder to focus my sight on any one person or thing, and impossible to see as clearly as I once had. If I don't strain my eyes everything is just a mix of blurred color and pervading darkness. I'm doing all I can just to keep my eyes on you...

This binding, the very last use I can make of my dwindling power, is what's going to kill me. Not blood loss. Not whatever's been draining away at me all this time. My soul chafes... rebels... Chaos is the antithesis of everything I am... I cannot survive this contact for much longer. I'm not strong enough to prevail. I will be the one to succumb to the crawling evil that even now is unraveling my very soul.

The pain is coursing through my/our form as I try to hold it back from attack. The pain. I thought I could no longer feel pain like thisprobably because it's damage to the soul/spirit/mind rather than hurt to the body...funny, really, it never actually hurt until now when I was wounded...

My thoughts scatter. Even now Chaos is reaching into my mind, starting with rage at the hastily cobbled plans I have concealed all this time, at the depth of my feelings for you... for Kiri... for you...

All I can do... to scream to you what you have to do...

But you already know...

So tired... hurt... just want... to sleep...

No...

From far off I can hear the firing of the Magun... I know you've done it, know that against all odds this world will be saved... your brilliance filters through my darkening vision as I lose my control...

and is the light above me as consciousness deserts me, leaving me spiralling down and down into the depths of Chaos


	2. Kaze: Remembrance

Warmth

Disclaimer be in Part I

Part II

Remembrance

Staring at you, I can't help but wonder if this was the same way you felt so long agodesperately searching, seeking out the tiny fragment of you that's still alive in that monstrous body. You aren't in control anymore, but you have to be there... right?

After all this, what I've meant to do all this time... my remembrance has revealed to my mind what some part of my heart knew all along. Having wanted to kill you, when it comes down to the fact I find I cannot do it.

When Aura and I first found you, you were so confused and helpless, knowing only that your world was under attack, that you needed to help them fight against Chaos, the one attacking _our _world... your power, matching my own, amazed me. Unlike me, you were always so sensitive. You held your heart right out in the open, primed for attacks from the enemy. You cried so easily and seemed so frail when you did. I wanted to help you, but didn't know how. And the one you cried for was not me.

You broke down when you realized he was dead. Your mind went to pieces for days, and we had to stop. I did my best to care for you. I hope you somehow appreciated that. You hadn't recovered when we set off again, but you wanted to end it all so that no one else would have to suffer.

And then Aura...

After that, all we had was each other. And we found Chaos and meted out our revenge, at the sacrifice of our lives.

I remember...

_"Kaze, no! You can't leave me! Don't make me do this! Not to you... not to you, please..."_

And in the other world, when I had lost control...

_"Kaze! Stop it, this is madness! Innocent people are going to get killed! Leave them alone! You're still in there... aren't you? Kaze! Answer me!"_

As I killed you, you finished it... you sealed me... and now...

Now I understand how you felt... how can I?... but I have to...

For the children... for that girl... for all the lives lost... and... for you...

I spread my wings, rise, and fly into what Chaos cannot comprehend is a seal...

* * *

Holding you in my arms, lost within the wreckage of the gray castle, I realize that you are still alive in your broken shell of a body. Bleeding out your lifeblood the way you are, somehow you're still breathing. Your skin is cold, colder than anything I've ever felt before, and your breath rattles in your throat, fading into a weak haze of white Mist that wreathes your face.

It's funny. When we met, I just saw your tall, thin, almost gangly body structure, and the way you seemed to be all arms and legs. But now, holding you close to me in a vain attempt to share heat, my clothing hanging in bare shreds around my body and yours absent-without-leave, the shattered pieces of the Magun around us, I can appreciate your softness, the slight curve of your hips, the childish set of your face that so aptly describes your innocence, the way that a few strands of your hair fall around the nape of your neck in a way that makes me want to touch it... you haven't changed, but my view of you has.

Having two free hands is useful. Supporting you in the bend of my left arm, I run my right hand over your sweat-slick skin in what I hope is a passable caress. My fingers seem to have a life of their own, tracing the cords of your throat, the spasmodic rise and fall of your ribs, the arch of your back, the almost sensuous dip of your navel. A soft breeze teases our hair, fluffing yours around your face in a pale halo the color of virgin snow.

And you open your eyes.

The beautiful jadeine pools of emotion are vague now, clouded; you can barely see. But you seem to know that I am here.

"Did we... did we do the right thing...?" Your voice is cracked, whispering... it hurts something inside me somehow.

"Yes." I try to hold you closer, hoping it won't hurt you, trying not to disturb the hole through your body, made by your own sword.

You notice. "It's alright... I can't feel it anymore..." I have to lean in to catch your words. "But I... wish that I could... so cold... just want to feel... warmth..."

Once again, there are tears in your eyes, tears about to overflow. Beyond physical pain, you are still steeped in misery.

I wish there was something I could do about that.

Maybe there is...

Still careful of your wound, I lean down so that we will touch, and softly press my lips to yours.


	3. Warmth

Warmth

Disclaimer be in Part I

NOTE: This section flips perspectives in an almost poetic format. One character's POV will be in bold, the other's in italic; plain text denotes shared point of view. Who is who? You have a brain, you figure it out. I don't have to tell you everything. And it should be pretty obvious too...

Part III

Warmth

_Through my numbness it is hard to respond to the kiss, but as it deepens, I find myself able to move... just enough that I can keep it, just enough that_

_yes_

_I can feel it_

_I can feel_

**I'm prepared to pull away, but you reach up and touch my shoulder. As the touch becomes a grip, I realize that your cold body is beginning to respond to me, curling against me; your hands firmly locked in my hair**

_I can feel the thick coarse strands of earth-brown tangled between my fingers, can feel the sensation of your solid body moving against mine_

_your left arm supporting my weight, your right tracing down to my knees, held together against the cold_

**no longer in control of myself, but I can realize that you no longer seem quite so cold**

**no longer ice**

I can feel your

_warmth_

**wanting**

_I'm not frozen anymore_

_I can see the sharp lines of your face, the scars, the thick ragged bangs falling into your eyes, cerulean misted with longing and something else_

I can see

**your eyes clarifying, examining the length of my face, the tears overflowing**

**the tiny smile that plays across your features**

**that you want this**

_your embrace is tender and your eyes are sincere_

_I know now that what I thought was hatred_

_never really was_

_just masked by the confusion_

emotion

**surging through my body, seeing the gratitude in your eyes... so relieved that you never blamed me when my loss of memory drove me to what I've done**

**the moment is coming when we will no longer be**

**until then we will have to be**

_so why shouldn't we be_

_why shouldn't we express this_

**the moment is now**

_feeling warmth flow into my body as we curl together, every part of my body tingling with renewed sensation, finer than ever before. Could I have sensed the slightest shift of your body before? This is new, this is greater than what I imagined; there is pain, but even that, I embrace, knowing that any feeling is better than none at all._

_I can feel_

_I can feel again_

_I can sense your gentle movements within me, the movements that granted my thoughtless plea. Even as my life ebbs away from me, you keep me within the bounds of mortality, within the realm of feeling_

**self-consciousness is a thing of the past now. Having crossed all boundaries, we may as well be one creature, and in a way are now. In a far-off way I sense that neither of us have much longer in this place, but that matters nothing to either of us**

you know, I've never done this before

_does it matter?_

**it feels right anyway**

the love was already here

unrealized

_or was there just no time to bring it into the open?_

we did not create it in this

this is expression

this is

warmth

_blessed warmth, coming to one who could not feel_

**warmth that makes the tears flow, tears of apology for everything, everything**

_stop crying, I want to say, but this is your truth and it must be accepted_

**your soft moan ripples through my being as I pull closer to you/deeper within you**

_I no longer have the words but I want to thank you for doing the right thing then_

_and granting me this one_

_last_

_pleasure_

_of_

warmth


	4. Kaze: Endearment

Warmth

Disclaimer be in Part I

Part IV

Endearment

Knowing that you can no longer stand it, I pull back, and we part.

You lie almost completely still in my arms, eyes closed, smiling, chest barely moving, the life in you whittled down to a tiny flicker of flame. You can speak no longer, and I see no need for conversation, and so we wait in silence.

Being inside you was a strange pleasure. I was taking your innocence from you even as you accepted mine. If we had not been so weak, it would have lasted longer, would have been more powerful; however, it was still earthshaking to me.

You're part of me now... more than ever before. And it hurts so much more that you do not have much time left, that you will leave me.

Holding you as tenderly as I know how, I wonder why your life has been so filled with sorrow. You never seem to have been able to catch a break, in this life or your former one. Surrounded by strangers and enemies, alienated from the majority of your own kind... Fate frowned upon you for some reason I do not understand, and you are paying for it.

Your temperature is once again starting to fall, but you don't make any move, nor any sign that you care. You're probably too far gone to even realize what's happening.

No. There are fresh tears on your cheeks... you realize, and you understand.

This is worse pain than any I could feel myself... knowing that I must watch you suffer and die, unable to do anything for you, knowing that I will follow you as you go...

And yet, you're still smiling.

If I were to be born again, and forget everything but one memory in the next life, the memory I would want to hold on to is just that. Your smiling face.

Your lips are moving, but I can hear no sound. All the same, I feel I can understand you... know what you're trying to tell me. That it's going to be alright.

It's as if someone has laid a caring hand on my heart.

Blind, voiceless, slowly freezing, bleeding, unable to feel a kind touch, moments from death, you are still in possession of your soul. You still place me above yourself.

Leaning down, I press my cheek to yours, closing my eyes. My own voice is almost as broken as yours, but I can still whisper the words.

"I love you."

Your hand absently reaches up to stroke my hair, and I let myself relax. The world around me fades to a blur; nothing exists but the two of us.

It seems to have been several hours when I finally realize that your hand is still at the base of my neck, pausing as if to rest... never resuming its task.

Ever.

My heart is awash in pain and confusion and love as night's curtain draws across us.

It is time to bid the world farewell again...


	5. Kumo: Broken

Warmth

Disclaimer be in Part I

Part V

Broken

the weight of you over me

last comfort

scent of warm earth around me

my protection

your faint presence

your love

i hear you whisper something but

can't understand

can't hear

want to see you

want to see

want to

nothing

i can do

nothing

either of us could have done

want to go back and change the past

warm earth

spice of firesmoke

aching

aching

aching

and

it ceases when

i realize

you're still there

i am

soaring through the sky miles above, nothing but blue, the clouds far beneath me, the air thinning, gasping for breath, can't catch enough oxygen, falling, falling

all that remains of him, all that remains of you

is the cloth i hold black or crimson

can't tell anymore

everything a blur

everything

everything

the sweet instant of joining, holding you close in a mutual embrace, your breath ragged, mine failing, your name an inarticulate moan at the back of my throat, never have i felt anything like this, never, never, just hold me, just be one with me

forever

what is forever?

calling

frightened

so cold

Kaze! need you!

listening for you

hearing your reply

relief

love you, Kaze

fading

flying

falling

fading

fading

fading...

into nothing...

i am

flying in a boundless sky

dancing in a spiral with my dear Kiri

and you are standing below

looking up

laughing with Aura

waiting for us to come down

not a dream this time

it's real

what is reality?

reality is...

now

scattering through the helix of the worlds

in eternal bliss


End file.
